The question remains where I find
peace, in Christianity, or my higher power, or the god as I
understand him/her/it. I was hurt long ago, and lost faith fell
adrift, but I don’t dwell on the past but my hazing in my mid 20s
was in-partial to blame, of my falling away from faith.
I don't have all the answers currently,
but I seek something better, a better life. A fresh start on the road
ahead. Alas I see the light at the end of the tunnel again.
I don't have all the answers currently,
but sometimes I seek them. I used to be religious but I'm not sure
where I “fit in” I search for god, I feel him in my life, but do
I believe in god?
School is going well in class
Monday-Thursday and doing volunteer work at the San Rafael Salvation
Army. On step 9 with my AA sponsor,
Made peace with some demons, and ended
my probation on Friday. Feels great, I paid my debits to society and
learned my lessons of not taking as good care of myself emotionally
and spiritually and learned the consequences of not dealing with
health concerns.
I don’t know what the road ahead
lies, I may go see a friend from San Rafael who moved to be closer to
her kids in Texas near Houston perhaps, and visit my uncle In New
Orleans. I have amends to make in both places, and some my sponsor
suggested I don't make as it will cause more harm than good as
transgressions In my addiction. Which I used to obsess over some
individuals, yet I scared them, I also have an issue to try and iron
out with some Law Enforcement my sponsor wants me to focus on local
amends in California first. And I have other personal issues to iron
out first before I take this trip.
My life is in someways better in other
areas the same, and in some areas worse, I’m at a crossroads
somewhat. And regained my freedoms, and civil liberty and got all my
rights back.
Lately ive been listening on podcast to
Alex Jones & Coast to Coast AM Again. Brings back old memory
working graveyards, or parking on my nights off from work soul
searching, pondering looking at the city at night. Or in the
countryside off road sitting on the tailgate or lining in the bed.
The question remains where do I go from
here? I’m still trying to figure that out, but lucky a loose plan
is forming for my short term and long term goals.
Gossip could be better or worse, but I
don’t let anyone person, or place or group of individuals keep or
porpoise my spirituality or sobriety. I have done some dumb things,
but I learned from my experiences, and have grown up in the past 2-3
years.
Furthermore, I have my 5
diversification letters from individuals, non profits, employers,
community leaders granting my engagement paperwork and am in the
process of turning that in to the Marin County Superior court, I
luckily manged to get my charges reduced from a felony to a
misdemeanor and have high hopes from the courts to get an expunge or
dismissal.
My higher power is in my life stronger
than 5 years ago, and in someways I more of a welcome and affirming
individual in other ways im the same or worse, I admit I’m
depressed at times, but I cope better.
I admit im not a saint, but who is? I
have a romantic interest that also feels the same way about me, but
distance hampers things plus she is on probation out of state, I have
known this person for 3 years almost, but am not sure about a long
distance thing. She is not a 12-steeper nor needs to be in my
opinion, but my sponsor says not to rush things. I might go visit
her, she has family in the bay area and might get permission to leave
her home state and visit California and I also may travel to see her.
Leigh McInnis Gaetjens
PO Box 150063
San Rafael, CA 94915-0063
(415) 572-4169
lmgaetjens@gmail.com
