I am likely in December moving to someplace in the bay area (away from Marin county), I will not disclose. I have much shame and guilt for my inaction, actions and prior transgressions. My abuse and hazing after Katrina the infamous storm that hit my hometown of Harvey,LA (a New Orleans Suburb) in Jefferson Parish. The hazing occurred in Houston, Texas and I was too young and insecure in myself and resorted to drinking, I thought I had the answers but years of temptations of sin, and personal physical abuse, and sexual abuse from racist coworkers and a hostile work area was a downpour.

I see my part in it and my lining, manipulating, stealing, and using others to get what I want and need, as well as taking advantage of people, places and things.

People sometimes make me insecure, some folks I have gotten word gossip behind my back. But I made pace with some things. I brought shame to myself in Alcoholics Anonymous, but find peace in Narcotics Anonymous as well as the occasional Debtors anonymous, over eaters anonymous, sex & love addicts anonymous.

I for 5 years sober have made an utter ass out of myself, and pay the price for it. I learned my lessons on probation for 2 and half years as well as 13 months in the Marin county jail. Never again I say, I know now and have become a better individual.

Truth be told, I’m not running away, I’m keeping the same sponsor, despite my commute and schooling in Marin County, Ill be around, Ill just be living someplace else. Some folks read my open blog entry with amusement I suppose, some may back stab me, some persecute me for past transgressions, or my addictions or other problems.

Hell people are nice to me its just in my head, I know I’m more assertive as a result of my hazing, and wont go through that again, but I hurt a bleed in the soul, I must find A Outlet to make peace with my demons. I choose to live, over jails, institutions and death from addiction.

Who gives a fuck what others think? Maybe I care too much maybe I need to grow up, I know where I’m going and how I’m going to get there.

Thats my story and im sticking too it.


Leigh McInnis Gaetjens PO Box 150063 San Rafael, CA 94915-0063 (415) 572-4169 lmgaetjens@gmail.com

Met with sponsor today, took care of business at Collage of Marin, working on another school too in Marin. Have to go back to collage of Marin tomorrow to take care of business. Met with my AA sponsor today, starting school after Aug. 20^th 2012

Progress not perfection attended Marin Alano club today and fellowshipped, my roommate deal is not the best as I approach my 5th year sobriety date of [7/13/2007] Ive had ups and downs in sobriety and some very deep dark places, as well as my OA, DA , SLAA programs sometimes quickly sometimes slowly we grow, some folks dont always put things in gods hands per say, but I do.

Ive grown a lot the past few years and look forward to getting off probation early September 7^th 2012

and Ive started my expungement process and in the process of getting letters shortly there after and starting my productive life over.

Leigh McInnis Gaetjens PO Box 150063 San Rafael, CA 94915-0063 (415) 572-4169 lmgaetjens@gmail.com

My feelings of pain have largely gone away, just attended a wonderful meeting at the marin alano club, and shared a little of my pain.... after I get through this rough time, ill share more on it...perhaps away from the Alano club... some people there are childish.

Enjoying my time in novato, in San Rafael as a write this at star bucks my sponsors favorite haunt. About to head back to novato.. was thinking of going to the beach in Marin today.. but im going to put that off until next weekend.

Saving money towards my new employment, educational and housing goals. Making progress and practicing the steps of DA. Continuing to loose weight, and practicing the steps of OA. Making progress but not prefecture in SLAA. On step 6 in AA, soon to be on step 7.

got very sweaty today, didn't make the NAMI walk in San Francisco due to tooth pain, went on a hike in San Rafael and got very sweaty and dirty as I fell down, and cleaned my self up a little. Looking forward toward taking a shower back at the ranch.

Thinking of launching my blog or website again, have other priority before I purchase a domain name again and pay for hosting. Using the blogger and Google plus, have some interesting followers of my blog at the present or blog 2.0

Stayed up way too late last night e-mailing resume, and playing CIV IV. (4).

and counterstrike as well.

Not doing as many SETI @ home cycles on the BONIC program. Might go to a 3pm mens meeting at marin alano club possibly.

Going to take that Amtrak trip in February or march of next year perhaps. Going to also discuss some 9^th step stuff to do in New Orleans & Houston as well as Salt Lake City.

Leigh McInnis Gaetjens PO Box 150063 San Rafael, CA 94915-0063 (415) 572-4169 lmgaetjens@gmail.com

slept well, awake at 4:30 am this morning, well rested even though i feel asleep shortly after midnight. going to a job fair for whole foods market in a week. Taking life as it comes to me, i hope to god while im living at my present location untill my apartment is ready, i dont have to do one of those relapse prevention bullshit groups, i dont like substance abuse groups other than aa, or aa meetings that arnt officaly listed in the directory or have a gsr or igr/ifb rep that dont extend the hand of aa at that service level.

I also like DA, OA, SLAA meeting which help me with various other additions such as compulsive debiting, compulsive overeating or sex addition.

even though im going a dark period currently, i see the light @ the end of the tunnel. though a bit far away


lately and in the past i feel perscution or fear of it, from people from my past or becuase of various dry drunk spells in recovery, my mental break down, my 15 seconds of shame, my complusive overeating, my sex addition, or complusive debiting.

Im not going to "go out over this" i shared some of this with YV and RD in a email i sent before bed last night, its good to get things out and not bottle it up so to speak KM & DB said when i have my hearing in september ill be done with probation and likely now i can start the process of my expungement at least even though my crime shows up on google it wont show up on my driving record, and than after my expungment i can slowly one day @ a time work toward my goal of professional truck driving. i plan to drive a taxi in the city for a while to boost my resume towards that goal.


Looking back i feel i wasted a lot of time in soberity, talked to a old friend from lambda center in houston where I became sober on july 13, 2007. i just had underlying issues which are under control and became an unwelcome hanger on at some places we might get together for some reunion of soberity and the fellowship

sadly i didnt really do aa meetings in new orleans i look foward to my upcoming trip there in 2013 to do so, im likely to go on an amtrak rail pass around the country for two weeks out of town stopping in New Orleans and possibly Houston Salt Lake city and Los angles area , possibly with a run to porland and seattle as well.

the wifi up here is ok, but sometimes it sucks. i think i might use my celluar modem gets coverage up here too many folks where im living useing up bandwith.



Leigh McInnis Gaetjens PO Box 150063 San Rafael, CA 94915-0063 (415) 572-4169 lmgaetjens@gmail.com