Saturday, September 8, 2012

I am likely in December moving to someplace in the bay area (away from Marin county), I will not disclose. I have much shame and guilt for my inaction, actions and prior transgressions. My abuse and hazing after Katrina the infamous storm that hit my hometown of Harvey,LA (a New Orleans Suburb) in Jefferson Parish. The hazing occurred in Houston, Texas and I was too young and insecure in myself and resorted to drinking, I thought I had the answers but years of temptations of sin, and personal physical abuse, and sexual abuse from racist coworkers and a hostile work area was a downpour.

I see my part in it and my lining, manipulating, stealing, and using others to get what I want and need, as well as taking advantage of people, places and things.

People sometimes make me insecure, some folks I have gotten word gossip behind my back. But I made pace with some things. I brought shame to myself in Alcoholics Anonymous, but find peace in Narcotics Anonymous as well as the occasional Debtors anonymous, over eaters anonymous, sex & love addicts anonymous.

I for 5 years sober have made an utter ass out of myself, and pay the price for it. I learned my lessons on probation for 2 and half years as well as 13 months in the Marin county jail. Never again I say, I know now and have become a better individual.

Truth be told, I’m not running away, I’m keeping the same sponsor, despite my commute and schooling in Marin County, Ill be around, Ill just be living someplace else. Some folks read my open blog entry with amusement I suppose, some may back stab me, some persecute me for past transgressions, or my addictions or other problems.

Hell people are nice to me its just in my head, I know I’m more assertive as a result of my hazing, and wont go through that again, but I hurt a bleed in the soul, I must find A Outlet to make peace with my demons. I choose to live, over jails, institutions and death from addiction.

Who gives a fuck what others think? Maybe I care too much maybe I need to grow up, I know where I’m going and how I’m going to get there.

Thats my story and im sticking too it.

Leigh McInnis Gaetjens PO Box 150063 San Rafael, CA 94915-0063 (415) 572-4169

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