I hurt for a long time with my issues,
I hurt for my abuse and hazing somewhat, recently I liked up to
someone who was nice to me in high school in Louisiana that was
always sort of nice to me she kinda remembers me, recently
reconnected a friend who we have some things in common and we have
been corresponding and we plan to get together downtown in San Jose
where this individual lives.
My family is OK whats left of them I
speak to, I guess ill have to start learning to be content alone, I
might start going to AL-anon or coda or something else soon, in
addition to my various 12-step programs I am a member of AA,DA,OA,
SLAA etc.
going to Robbert harrys writing group
at the enterprise resource center in San Rafael, followed up on my
employment lead it appears they don't have an opening but ill keep
networking with the store manger who I thought it went really well. I
spoke to the asst mgr. Today.
I'm very close to getting a housing
voucher with the Marin housing authority Yadira Vigil keeps assuring
me, im glad I got out of Sean Kelly serrias house before the shit hit
the fan hes still in court in denial about his relapse on addiction,
perhaps he doesn't want to incriminate himself to his probation.
Met justins mom she seems a little
naive perhaps, with knowing Sean was ubber secret with his using. Im
glad my basic needs are met food, clothing, shelter and a source of
income, ive been playing my bills somewhat in advance and become more
responsible in my compulsive spending and debiting.
I have a checking, savings and credit
card which I dont use very often and have started repairing my
tattered credit, im saving for my apartment which im going to try to
find a place in san rafael that will accept me with a <600 credit
score. I need to save for pg&e, security deposit first and last
months rent etc.
Marin has been a growing up experience
for me, I have grown as a true individual and found some faith again
even though I hurt with gossip or running into people from my past in
San Francisco and Oakland and Berkeley. People in the bay area are
sometimes snooty or gossipy. I'm not going to go out over it even
though my emotional breakdown and 15 seconds of shame in the San
Francisco chronicle, Marin independent journal, and TV news, im going
to be starting the expungement process, and getting off probation in
September of this year.
Marin has been good to me and I have
largely grown up into a more ind-pendant, honest, good responsible,
rent paying individual.
I hurt though for some of what I feel
was an injustice to myself, but Ill deal with it eventually perhaps.
I hurt for my past waste of my life in
shady places, and life down on my luck co-Dependant.
Some have disowned or distanced
themselves from me somewhat. I eventually may utilities some
resources from the STAR Program to try and contact my father perhaps,
but first things first, I want to make amends to him, I have regained
reality and some memory's of my relapse and embarrassment 6-7 years
ago.
My father seems to question my sobriety
at times, I dont need to prove anything to him, or go out over it but
I plan to try at some point to have a mediator try to arrange a
social contact or something someplace nutrual and try and allow him
into my life.
Im trying much harder to work a honest
program but I haven't been perfect in my over 4 and half years clean
& sober. I didn't relapse when I had my 15 seconds of shame in
the news media, but I had underlying mental issues UN-addressed at 2
years 1 month clean and as a result spent 13 months locked up in the
Marin county jail and other facility to get evaluated and regain
compantance.
I hurt for a long time and felt empty
but now I feel a power greater than myself, I thought I was on the
path to enlightenment before my arrest, but I in reality was a sober,
clean waste of space. I found peace somewhat in jail and had some
spiritual revelation from god, and eventually plan to repent and find
peace for my past transgressions perhaps
Spoke to DLG as usual today.
Leigh McInnis Gaetjens
PO Box 150063
San Rafael, CA 94915-0063
(415) 572-4169
lmgaetjens@gmail.com
