Thursday, May 31, 2012

In pain as of lately, continuing to maintain sobriety through a rough time, share more on that later.
I had a resentment for a long time toward someone who I hurt long ago in Texas, and others in Louisiana and California. Working on improving my life, and not making prior mistakes.

My stalker left me alone, ironically enough Ive been on the other side of that fence at times. My pain and shame and own insecurity's were hurting for a while. But I made peace with my demons and leave those individuals alone and in gods hands.

Discussed taking a trip and making some phone calls after my probation is completed in September and making things right with my pickem up truck, my sponsor advised me to hold off a little longer, I have some things im going to work on first and would likely still resort to bus & bike transit.

Had some progress in my employment hunt. But I need to run to the dentist soon im in massive pain but defentatly going to follow up on those leads on Monday, it hurts to speak I lost my wisdom teeth 3 years ago almost and now im in pain.

I also may purchase a bigger pickup truck and sell my old ranger at some point, maybe a older model truck perhaps, im going to need to get work on my ford ranger to get it street legal again I may become a 2 auto household again perhaps. I was thinking a 2500,or 3500 diesel 4x4 or f250 or f350 perhaps.
Also a diesel 4x4 perhaps something from 1997 or 1998 given those diesels are smog exempt and most in that year do have abs as a option or standard on the higher trim lines.

Also a motorcycle or 150cc scooter is not out of the question. But first focus on building more stability in my life and home life, etc. working on my expungement after probation is over in September. As well as building resume and enrolling at collage of Marin and eventually city collage of San Francisco.

I also recently had my last session with my therapist, im eventually going to find a new one after I move into my new apartment around December.

My dreams of a Amtrak trip to New York and New Orleans as well as Washington DC on a rail pass is also on the horizon as well.

I also plan to visit Canada for a few days as well while on my trip both van cover and Montreal.

I spoke to DLG recently all is well. Have do deal with a few things with the Harris county tax accessors office and taxes department of public safety.
Ill try to do this over the phone and be professional again ill run it by my sponsor as many were unhelpful here but ill try and work out the issue.

Im finishing step 6 in AA and making progress in OA beyond step 3, and DA step 3, and SLAA step 4.
progress not perfection, linked up with a old friend from LAMBDA center in Houston, Texas who we share near the same sobriety date. Perhaps ill pay a visit to sonny & carter again.
Leigh McInnis Gaetjens PO Box 150063 San Rafael, CA 94915-0063 (415) 572-4169

Tuesday, May 29, 2012

For ages I hurt in the soul, my stalker and person with issues that she needs to sort out does-not bother me, I have my own problems, I grow tired of Marin, perhaps ill elope after probation is over or not. I want to get situated somewhat. Marin has been good to me in someways, other ways its too boring and quiet.

I hurt for a long time but don't hurt anymore, my life was bad and I have had my ups and downs.
Have some business to attend to before the week is over or next week perhaps. My friends are good somewhat to me, some I care not to share drama in AA meetings even though I have a burning desire of sorts, ill wait tiill I'm ready to share it.

My life could be far off worse at the moment, yet I know the light at the end of the tunnel is looming, and it will get better, if I work towards it and I am & shall.
Leigh McInnis Gaetjens PO Box 150063 San Rafael, CA 94915-0063 (415) 572-4169

Had a friend of mine recently, make some productive choices whom I have known for over 7+ years, also gave some suggestions to another friend whom I worry about. Going to Kms graduation, had some wack-job out there using and drinking with resentments trying to start trouble and drama for me. May have to change things out, it appears I have a stalker now.

I made some progress in my productive and progressing in life and saving $ toward my goals. Have to head home soon, and do laundry. Also received a notice about my EIN/TIN and some possible identity theft a warning, I doubt anyone would want my id but im making progress towards my financing goals.

Must notify the credit agency's

Leigh McInnis Gaetjens PO Box 150063 San Rafael, CA 94915-0063 (415) 572-4169

Sunday, May 27, 2012

I feel adrift and torn between two places, I hurt and burned in my soul for a long time. Im not sure if religion would “fix” this hurt. I find some spirtual growth in AA, DA, OA, SLAA. But I feel adrift somewhat when soul searching.

I had a further heartbreak. My friend suggests I find other meetings at the marin alano club, though the 7am is best. Gossip, and hurting doesnt break my spirt. But sometimes I feel the god of my own understanding hurts at times, because of the disrespect of the traditions.

Linked up with a old friend recently.

Leigh McInnis Gaetjens PO Box 150063 San Rafael, CA 94915-0063 (415) 572-4169
no hard feelings, just had to vent somewhat

Leigh McInnis Gaetjens PO Box 150063 San Rafael, CA 94915-0063 (415) 572-4169
someone made the comment today, That guys not really sober he stole a truck  3 and half years ago he doesnt have 5 years hes lying.  things like that and aa gossip doesnt bother me, at one time it sort of...did. but ive outgrown that sort of action. they also made a comment bullshit 5 years.

Leigh McInnis Gaetjens PO Box 150063 San Rafael, CA 94915-0063 (415) 572-4169
went to a meeting today, hung out with a friend, progressed somewhat with a plan for a place to live come december when i have to move from novato if plan a doesnt work i have a rough plan b to speak of sort of and a plan c sort of.

Life has had its ups and downs as of late. I hurt less when I go to meetings and im pondering going back to my old church where I had so much pain and suffering for a while or thought i did rather. some of my friends think i shouldnt rejoin it but i feel at min. i have an ammends to make to it

Leigh McInnis Gaetjens PO Box 150063 San Rafael, CA 94915-0063 (415) 572-4169

Saturday, May 26, 2012

had fun today went out with KM for a walk, searched more for a new job, continueing to plan for my move back to san rafael from novato.

attempted to contact DLG today to no avail.

Leigh McInnis Gaetjens PO Box 150063 San Rafael, CA 94915-0063 (415) 572-4169

Friday, May 25, 2012

I often find peace in faith of a god of my own understanding, prehaps i am more agnostic. have to go close out an account to save $ for my move from novato back to san rafael in december. I am making progress in my finance goals.

still working at the salvation army, which is going swell.

Leigh McInnis Gaetjens PO Box 150063 San Rafael, CA 94915-0063 (415) 572-4169
saw a friend briefly today on the bus, dropped off resume and discussed with PC about possibly attending a orientation during my usual work hours,  mentioned to yadira of possibly moving down to San Jose after my probation and expungement are in order, my living circumstances are not up to prime, and perhaps i found a sober house despite my disgust with such places, too many newcomers and relapses, i found one where i need to get away for a while if after December my housing voucher does-not come up fast as YV and others assure me.

I'm pondering my life, i hurt often at times, i feel i wasted a lot of my sobriety. I also feel some folks in AA talk behind my back, I most likely have made friends and foes. but at times, i was in other programs. I leave daily i spent ages 8-16 in various intuitions, and have largely stayed out of them most of my adult life with some exceptions to the fact.

I hurt sometimes, i linked up with a friend from west Jefferson high school, where i was hazed and later hazed in my 20s in Houston by folks who knew they could push me around and get away with it. she was all ways nice to be despite being a jock, and i was sort of a nerd/geek/rock star.

I am pondering some matters of most importance, i feel i sort of want to go elsewhere after i get some affairs in order. but also I want to go back to school, first i want to get this new place i for so long have desired for the past 4 and half years i have lived with fucked up people and individuals, some who are sicker than others.

The cats out of the bag in the AA World given how some don't respect anonymity and the traditions of where I'm living. but they were very nice to me, i used to do H&I, GSR , IGR/IFB as my service commitments, have homework for step 6 for my sponsor which I'm going to do tonight when i get back to the ranch.

Saw a guy from the star program today as i went to the library to email my resume to a few contacts i have obtained though networking. see what happens. this guy i think is sicker than i was or about as sick as I was when i got arrested again a few years ago.

Ive made some peace with my religious issues, and want to make amends, but don't know if i see myself a church goer. i connect more with 12-step programs. some of my friends have urged me not to go back to my faith of choice.

I am in discussing with RD and YV to get a therapist outside of the star program and might have found one on a sliding scale in another county right now i want to find myself out of this living circumstances i am in.

I'm not resentful that my landlord started using drugs and acting weird, I'm glad i got out of there, though not on the best terms, and i am somewhat restful for my landlady who wanted me gone because of a disagreement with one of my workers i obtained from star.

I'm taking life one day at a time, and working on becoming more productive as a person.
 My honesty upset a friendship trying to make am mends. not going to call or email this guy until we run into each other.

I may use my trust fund to travel to Louisiana around Christmas perhaps to visit family in New Orleans for a few days, I'm thinking of going on Amtrak given i enjoy flying but hate the security checkpoints. I havent visited with family for over 6 or 7 years and have an ammends or two to make there

Leigh McInnis Gaetjens PO Box 150063 San Rafael, CA 94915-0063 (415) 572-4169

Wednesday, May 23, 2012

had a further falling out with a friend today trying to work a honest program & come clean. I discussed this with my therpist today. life is good though but could be far worse, i have my basics met and some extras.

Met with Y today and that went swell. went to the erc today after therpist, went for a walk, conitnueing to loose weight and progress in oa, going to a na aa meeting this week is on my to do list.

Leigh McInnis Gaetjens PO Box 150063 San Rafael, CA 94915-0063 (415) 572-4169

Monday, May 21, 2012

Have a job lead tommorow in mill valley, life is good. still living in novato looking foward toward my return to san rafael. 

Leigh McInnis Gaetjens PO Box 150063 San Rafael, CA 94915-0063 (415) 572-4169

Sunday, May 20, 2012

LIFE is ok, hung out with KM taking life as it comes. Attended an AA meeting at the Marin Alano club today, I grow troubled somewhat with my living suitution but mange well for the moment.
Have an appointment at 4pm drinking water, ate a good breakfast this morning.

Wanted to attend maker faire this weekend in San mateo perhaps next year due to prior commitments, I was unable to attend.

Thought about attending church this weekend, but again had prior commitments, eventually I will sort out those issues.

Planning next Sunday to go to west rural Marin, with a friend to go to the beach the weather is great, also plan to hit up a coworker in her condo, with a swimming pool.

Doing the NAMI walk june 2nd in San Francisico, California. Trying to find sponsorships

walking more eating less and maing progress in OA, still sober in AA , working a good program in DA, and making peace in SLAA

prehaps im addictied to 12-step programs given im pondering joining coda or al-anon

Leigh McInnis Gaetjens PO Box 150063 San Rafael, CA 94915-0063 (415) 572-4169

Saturday, May 19, 2012

I called my sponsor today, I had a wonderful conversation, we are meeting on Tuesday after I get off work. Life has been better spoke to cary newman today. Went to the 9am meeting @ the marin alano club today. Life has been better and threw me a curve ball.

I'm praying things improve soon, if they dont I had a plan. My old landlords continue to deny his using and glad I wasn't a victim in his insanity. Received a call from someone from the courts Ill call them back on Monday, I still have a fear of checking voice mail messages. I procrastinate sometimes in those affairs.

My uncle is doing well, and l spoke to him today seems he picked up the same sinus cold that started in California all the way down in Louisiana. I guess people jet-lagged bring germs with them.

Novato is OK, but look forward to my own private place near central San Rafael, god willing.

Explored some educational oppertunites and conitnued to apply for jobs and preform followups being proactive.

Leigh McInnis Gaetjens PO Box 150063 San Rafael, CA 94915-0063 (415) 572-4169

Friday, May 18, 2012

Ran into a sober friend on the ggt bus

God is good going to make an aa meeting today most likely or the na meeting with the cool dude I met
Going to see ryan d and yadira v. The god of my own understaning put those wonderful people in my life

I hurt for a long time with my issues, I hurt for my abuse and hazing somewhat, recently I liked up to someone who was nice to me in high school in Louisiana that was always sort of nice to me she kinda remembers me, recently reconnected a friend who we have some things in common and we have been corresponding and we plan to get together downtown in San Jose where this individual lives.

My family is OK whats left of them I speak to, I guess ill have to start learning to be content alone, I might start going to AL-anon or coda or something else soon, in addition to my various 12-step programs I am a member of AA,DA,OA, SLAA etc.

going to Robbert harrys writing group at the enterprise resource center in San Rafael, followed up on my employment lead it appears they don't have an opening but ill keep networking with the store manger who I thought it went really well. I spoke to the asst mgr. Today.

I'm very close to getting a housing voucher with the Marin housing authority Yadira Vigil keeps assuring me, im glad I got out of Sean Kelly serrias house before the shit hit the fan hes still in court in denial about his relapse on addiction, perhaps he doesn't want to incriminate himself to his probation.

Met justins mom she seems a little naive perhaps, with knowing Sean was ubber secret with his using. Im glad my basic needs are met food, clothing, shelter and a source of income, ive been playing my bills somewhat in advance and become more responsible in my compulsive spending and debiting.

I have a checking, savings and credit card which I dont use very often and have started repairing my tattered credit, im saving for my apartment which im going to try to find a place in san rafael that will accept me with a <600 credit score. I need to save for pg&e, security deposit first and last months rent etc.

Marin has been a growing up experience for me, I have grown as a true individual and found some faith again even though I hurt with gossip or running into people from my past in San Francisco and Oakland and Berkeley. People in the bay area are sometimes snooty or gossipy. I'm not going to go out over it even though my emotional breakdown and 15 seconds of shame in the San Francisco chronicle, Marin independent journal, and TV news, im going to be starting the expungement process, and getting off probation in September of this year.

Marin has been good to me and I have largely grown up into a more ind-pendant, honest, good responsible, rent paying individual.

I hurt though for some of what I feel was an injustice to myself, but Ill deal with it eventually perhaps.
I hurt for my past waste of my life in shady places, and life down on my luck co-Dependant.

Some have disowned or distanced themselves from me somewhat. I eventually may utilities some resources from the STAR Program to try and contact my father perhaps, but first things first, I want to make amends to him, I have regained reality and some memory's of my relapse and embarrassment 6-7 years ago.

My father seems to question my sobriety at times, I dont need to prove anything to him, or go out over it but I plan to try at some point to have a mediator try to arrange a social contact or something someplace nutrual and try and allow him into my life.

Im trying much harder to work a honest program but I haven't been perfect in my over 4 and half years clean & sober. I didn't relapse when I had my 15 seconds of shame in the news media, but I had underlying mental issues UN-addressed at 2 years 1 month clean and as a result spent 13 months locked up in the Marin county jail and other facility to get evaluated and regain compantance.

I hurt for a long time and felt empty but now I feel a power greater than myself, I thought I was on the path to enlightenment before my arrest, but I in reality was a sober, clean waste of space. I found peace somewhat in jail and had some spiritual revelation from god, and eventually plan to repent and find peace for my past transgressions perhaps

Spoke to DLG as usual today.

Leigh McInnis Gaetjens PO Box 150063 San Rafael, CA 94915-0063 (415) 572-4169

I hurt for a long time, I feel obvious restlessness with my present circumstances, and I hurt for a long time with my past transgressions, attended an AA meeting last night, it was OK going to try to make it to one today. Have a employment follow up to do. Have to make a few errands meeting with AF @ 3pm than heading back to the ranch for sleep around 7 or 8pm given lately ive been awake @ 4 or 5am everyday these days.

Leigh McInnis Gaetjens PO Box 150063 San Rafael, CA 94915-0063 (415) 572-4169

Wednesday, May 16, 2012

attended a NA meeting tonight, feeling much better

Leigh McInnis Gaetjens PO Box 150063 San Rafael, CA 94915-0063 (415) 572-4169
have a lot to do today, have to pickup a copy of a key , close out an account, meet with therpist and try to see if Kel M and i can hang out today, life has been better but also could be much worse just keeping the faith of life.

I lately have not been visiting friends and other 12-step fellowships in other counties saving money towards my goals

Leigh McInnis Gaetjens PO Box 150063 San Rafael, CA 94915-0063 (415) 572-4169
I thought id clarify about what i ment about not likeing relpase prevention meetings in my previous post, i dont like meetings where people arnt serious about their recovery, and usually at NON aa meetings and other meetings that dont have a GSR or IFB/IGR Rep they arnt really that serious or propery serving the 12-step commuinity. i hope i can be exempted.

Leigh McInnis Gaetjens PO Box 150063 San Rafael, CA 94915-0063 (415) 572-4169
slept well, awake at 4:30 am this morning, well rested even though i feel asleep shortly after midnight. going to a job fair for whole foods market in a week. Taking life as it comes to me, i hope to god while im living at my present location untill my apartment is ready, i dont have to do one of those relapse prevention bullshit groups, i dont like substance abuse groups other than aa, or aa meetings that arnt officaly listed in the directory or have a gsr or igr/ifb rep that dont extend the hand of aa at that service level.

I also like DA, OA, SLAA meeting which help me with various other additions such as compulsive debiting, compulsive overeating or sex addition.

even though im going a dark period currently, i see the light @ the end of the tunnel. though a bit far away

lately and in the past i feel perscution or fear of it, from people from my past or becuase of various dry drunk spells in recovery, my mental break down, my 15 seconds of shame, my complusive overeating, my sex addition, or complusive debiting.

Im not going to "go out over this" i shared some of this with YV and RD in a email i sent before bed last night, its good to get things out and not bottle it up so to speak KM & DB said when i have my hearing in september ill be done with probation and likely now i can start the process of my expungement at least even though my crime shows up on google it wont show up on my driving record, and than after my expungment i can slowly one day @ a time work toward my goal of professional truck driving. i plan to drive a taxi in the city for a while to boost my resume towards that goal.

Looking back i feel i wasted a lot of time in soberity, talked to a old friend from lambda center in houston where I became sober on july 13, 2007. i just had underlying issues which are under control and became an unwelcome hanger on at some places we might get together for some reunion of soberity and the fellowship

sadly i didnt really do aa meetings in new orleans i look foward to my upcoming trip there in 2013 to do so, im likely to go on an amtrak rail pass around the country for two weeks out of town stopping in New Orleans and possibly Houston Salt Lake city and Los angles area , possibly with a run to porland and seattle as well.

the wifi up here is ok, but sometimes it sucks. i think i might use my celluar modem gets coverage up here too many folks where im living useing up bandwith.

Leigh McInnis Gaetjens PO Box 150063 San Rafael, CA 94915-0063 (415) 572-4169

Tuesday, May 15, 2012

Life is good, spoke to YV today, all is well. taking life as it comes. PD is checking the status of my expungement for my criminal history, which will help things when i attempt to start driving a taxi in San Francisico. Marin has been very good to me. spoke to a friend today that is wasteing their life away.

MY old landlord wasnt too thrilled to see me, he is in denial about his using and unprofessional and addict behavior. I wont be attending any more of his hearings to support him.

spoke to CN he is doing well, saw the other two tennants who has my old landlord arrested they are moving out i have the possible feeling he may make bond in a month or two. I hope he gets reality while detoxing in the marin county jail for the next few months.

I also hope, i am able to conitnue  to deal with my issues in sex and love addicts anon, debitors anon, over eaters anon, and AA the very first 12-step program lately for personaly obvious reasons i have been feeling stress.

Have a lot to move today, and might have to remove it possibly if its too much stuff where Im going, i hope it all fits in my new space. Im eagarly awaiing my new very own private apartment which im reassured should be a reality in under 6 months.

My uncle is doing well, im going to start attending a cretive writing group, i think on fridays before i travel from Novato to San Rafael. I hurt often with my life i feel before moving to Marin county with my insanity of 2 years 1 month sober and before i made peace with my resentments and issues. I hurt and was spirtualy adrift the thing that kept me clean & sober was AA 3x day for 2 years .

Sadly i became unwelcome in soberity and was hurting later i found hope and faith in SLAA, DA, OA and again in AA.

I presently in AA am on step 6 and progressing somewhat. I need to get my butt in gear with my homework,

anyway life is good but will be better i keep faith in a power greater than myself

Leigh McInnis Gaetjens PO Box 150063 San Rafael, CA 94915-0063 (415) 572-4169

Enroute to work

Doing my community service job and seeking a paid job have a lead on a follow up on Friday in san rafael

Saw a baby deer today

Nature is grand moving temp. To novato from san rafael untill my new place is ready I grow tired of living collectiveally getting done with probation in september and starting to work on expungement I've learned my concquences of not taking good care of myself and my issues

I hurt sometimes for those I hurt but I can't change the past nor will I go out over it started taking some finance classes to improve myself and my budgeting

I am thinking of becomeing a member of noisebridge and ace monstor toys hacker spaces to network with geeks in addition to being currently a member of the marin alano club

I sometimes wish I hadn't had my issues in my upbringing I have a friend that's living a life of unsteady willpower and others grow tired of dealing with this individual with life on edge

Prehaps ill get my roots settled in san rafael again soon in my own apartment and live life in sollitude and peace again

Monday, May 14, 2012

Attended an aa meeting today all is well....

Leigh McInnis Gaetjens PO Box 150063 San Rafael, CA 94915-0063 (415) 572-4169
the shit hit the fan sort of

Leigh McInnis Gaetjens PO Box 150063 San Rafael, CA 94915-0063 (415) 572-4169

had a good meeting with probation today, saw a old business aquaintance in court today. now working on resume. doesnt look good for him with his priors, life is good i might get off probation in september, and in less than 6 months i will have my own apartment in marin county, most likely in san rafael which has been home for the past 3 and half years or so.

went with kelly to berkeley yesterday walked around got coffee and went to the park and library. had fun hanging out with her. life has been better sort of it has its ups & downs

following up on thur. or fri. at a employment prospect in san rafael, moving to novato untill my place is ready.

talked to some old roomates recently, might go visit a friend today 

Leigh McInnis Gaetjens PO Box 150063 San Rafael, CA 94915-0063 (415) 572-4169

Sunday, May 13, 2012

taking life as it comes one day at a time, have a bit of a cough and sinus infection taking cold pills for them.

Leigh McInnis Gaetjens PO Box 150063 San Rafael, CA 94915-0063 (415) 572-4169
I suffer sometimes from the guilt and shame of past transgressions, i made an ass out of myself searching to fit in, yet at times i dont regret the past nor wish to shut the door of it. its what makes me- myself a true individual.

I hurt for feeling of wasting my life away 2 years 1 month sober I made a jackass out of myself, ended up in jail, fighting for life and santiy from insantiy, lost good friends and brought shame to my family and extended family.

I  really fucked up my life so to speak. pardon my french and explicit language. today I am more respectful, kind and loving.

I look-foward even though it stresses me out, I attend 2 AA meetings a week at the least, 1 OA meeting a week, 1 DA meeting a week, 1 SLAA meeting a week to curb my transgressions and keep myself sane, i take better care of my self and do the right and live a lawful life.

I made friends and prehaps god wanted me to change my life, personaly 13 months in the marin county jail and graduation from the STAR program, and soon to be off probation and obtain an expungement brought change, but i had personal revelation of a religious and spirtual sort while locked up fighting to regain sanity for insanity.

I hurt for a long time what I thought was an injustice to me, bridges burned in Louisiana, California, and Texas from New Orleans to Houston to the San Francisico bay area i hurt and suffered and was spirtualy lost for a long time

Possibly the god of my own understanding was looking out for me all along. I have a wonderful sponsor in san rafael, whom is also a transplant and someone i look up to and has what I desire, i conitnue to work toward professional, educational, and employment goals and work in rebuilding what I lost.

I lost a lot in 2006 I dont resent the past but i cant change it or shut the door on it. I made a jackass out of myself also than.

everything happens for a reason, and my reason and place of enlightment and progress where god wanted me to be is marin county not oakland, berkeley or san francisico. i made peace with my demons.

I conitnue to work toward attempting but understand i may have burned the bridge with my bio closest living relative my father, i also embarassed him as well and brought shame to him.

I brought shame and wore out my welcome as well, im not a perfectionist though i aspire to be, though in reality its not always possible.

Leigh McInnis Gaetjens PO Box 150063 San Rafael, CA 94915-0063 (415) 572-4169

 Im lost in spirt to a degree. I

Leigh McInnis Gaetjens PO Box 150063 San Rafael, CA 94915-0063 (415) 572-4169

moving to my own apartment in marin county in under 6 months life is good, and marin has been a change for the better, my old landlord and housemate is headed to prision for a 3rd strike under californias 3 strikes law. he relapsed and went psycho.

moving to novato for a while from san rafael, and taking life as it comes i feel at a disadvange given i called the east bay and san francisco home for a extended period of time, but marin has been good to me and if it aint broke dont fix it, prehaps ill work on myself furthering educational goals, and working ive been actvely seeking employment and have had some leads that appear, to be positive and uplifting.

I wasted a lot of my life on drinking, debiting, sex addiction and compulsive overeating and as such go to AA, DA, SLAA, OA and work the 12-steps with various sponsors from each of the programs

I have ammends to make in san francisico, berkeley, oakland, alamedia, richmond, san jose, houston, pearland, sugarland, new orleans, harvey, etc

after things look up i may purchase a amtrak rail pass and go away for 14 days on a tour around the country and into canada prehaps and visit family in Louisiana and freinds in Texas and im on step 6 with my aa sponsor who is wonderful and advices me to stay in marin for a while hes a marin transplant also

Im glad my needs are met food, clothing, shelter ran into someone from the faithful fools today, and ran into my good friend bless, visted ron, and richard recently.

i have a lot of offer the world and my clergyman gave me wonderful advice, life is good but has been better. saw a guy die from addiction recently, and working on a 12-step email to make some ammends. i grow tired of preceived gossip about my various past addictions and criminal and civil transgresssions

after i move into my very own place, no roomates or anything in less than 6 months from now, i plan to try to try and make a 9th step with my father but put that in gods hands when my sponsor feel its ready, i brought a great deal of shame to him under the past 7 and half years and hurt becuase of it, id like to have a brotherhood or friendship under aa and get to know him but accept the reality i may have permenantly burned that bridge and put it in gods hands before i work on 9th step with my father martin, i plan to work on myself and rehabilation and possibly use a outside moderator to try and contact him to avoid further conflict with him and others i found i still have in the google cloud after my emotional breakdown his email address he asked me to use so prehaps he still checks

Leigh McInnis Gaetjens PO Box 150063 San Rafael, CA 94915-0063 (415) 572-4169

Friday, May 11, 2012

I used to be depressed and psychotic untill my mental breakdown in soberity, I lost faith in self and acted out to get pity party, in various ways i feel like i wasted my frist 2 years 1 month sober & the 13 months in the marin county jail was my rude awaking after psyco events and not taking care of my self.

I found faith again in jail and desire to go back to church and repent for my actions, i suffered from drinking, debiting, sex addiction, depression, bipilor disroder, overeating ive found more moderation and a higher power again

found out today someone i knew got his 3rd strike, and i knew he was relapseing and headed down this road. im glad i got out of that living suitution. 

Leigh McInnis Gaetjens PO Box 150063 San Rafael, CA 94915-0063 (415) 572-4169

Friday, May 4, 2012

made some mastakes going through a transitional phase currently, life could be worse taking life one day at a time

Leigh McInnis Gaetjens PO Box 150063 San Rafael, CA 94915-0063 (415) 572-4169