Sunday, May 13, 2012

I suffer sometimes from the guilt and shame of past transgressions, i made an ass out of myself searching to fit in, yet at times i dont regret the past nor wish to shut the door of it. its what makes me- myself a true individual.

I hurt for feeling of wasting my life away 2 years 1 month sober I made a jackass out of myself, ended up in jail, fighting for life and santiy from insantiy, lost good friends and brought shame to my family and extended family.

I  really fucked up my life so to speak. pardon my french and explicit language. today I am more respectful, kind and loving.

I look-foward even though it stresses me out, I attend 2 AA meetings a week at the least, 1 OA meeting a week, 1 DA meeting a week, 1 SLAA meeting a week to curb my transgressions and keep myself sane, i take better care of my self and do the right and live a lawful life.

I made friends and prehaps god wanted me to change my life, personaly 13 months in the marin county jail and graduation from the STAR program, and soon to be off probation and obtain an expungement brought change, but i had personal revelation of a religious and spirtual sort while locked up fighting to regain sanity for insanity.

I hurt for a long time what I thought was an injustice to me, bridges burned in Louisiana, California, and Texas from New Orleans to Houston to the San Francisico bay area i hurt and suffered and was spirtualy lost for a long time

Possibly the god of my own understanding was looking out for me all along. I have a wonderful sponsor in san rafael, whom is also a transplant and someone i look up to and has what I desire, i conitnue to work toward professional, educational, and employment goals and work in rebuilding what I lost.

I lost a lot in 2006 I dont resent the past but i cant change it or shut the door on it. I made a jackass out of myself also than.

everything happens for a reason, and my reason and place of enlightment and progress where god wanted me to be is marin county not oakland, berkeley or san francisico. i made peace with my demons.

I conitnue to work toward attempting but understand i may have burned the bridge with my bio closest living relative my father, i also embarassed him as well and brought shame to him.

I brought shame and wore out my welcome as well, im not a perfectionist though i aspire to be, though in reality its not always possible.

Leigh McInnis Gaetjens PO Box 150063 San Rafael, CA 94915-0063 (415) 572-4169

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