Friday, May 25, 2012

saw a friend briefly today on the bus, dropped off resume and discussed with PC about possibly attending a orientation during my usual work hours,  mentioned to yadira of possibly moving down to San Jose after my probation and expungement are in order, my living circumstances are not up to prime, and perhaps i found a sober house despite my disgust with such places, too many newcomers and relapses, i found one where i need to get away for a while if after December my housing voucher does-not come up fast as YV and others assure me.

I'm pondering my life, i hurt often at times, i feel i wasted a lot of my sobriety. I also feel some folks in AA talk behind my back, I most likely have made friends and foes. but at times, i was in other programs. I leave daily i spent ages 8-16 in various intuitions, and have largely stayed out of them most of my adult life with some exceptions to the fact.

I hurt sometimes, i linked up with a friend from west Jefferson high school, where i was hazed and later hazed in my 20s in Houston by folks who knew they could push me around and get away with it. she was all ways nice to be despite being a jock, and i was sort of a nerd/geek/rock star.

I am pondering some matters of most importance, i feel i sort of want to go elsewhere after i get some affairs in order. but also I want to go back to school, first i want to get this new place i for so long have desired for the past 4 and half years i have lived with fucked up people and individuals, some who are sicker than others.

The cats out of the bag in the AA World given how some don't respect anonymity and the traditions of where I'm living. but they were very nice to me, i used to do H&I, GSR , IGR/IFB as my service commitments, have homework for step 6 for my sponsor which I'm going to do tonight when i get back to the ranch.

Saw a guy from the star program today as i went to the library to email my resume to a few contacts i have obtained though networking. see what happens. this guy i think is sicker than i was or about as sick as I was when i got arrested again a few years ago.

Ive made some peace with my religious issues, and want to make amends, but don't know if i see myself a church goer. i connect more with 12-step programs. some of my friends have urged me not to go back to my faith of choice.

I am in discussing with RD and YV to get a therapist outside of the star program and might have found one on a sliding scale in another county right now i want to find myself out of this living circumstances i am in.

I'm not resentful that my landlord started using drugs and acting weird, I'm glad i got out of there, though not on the best terms, and i am somewhat restful for my landlady who wanted me gone because of a disagreement with one of my workers i obtained from star.

I'm taking life one day at a time, and working on becoming more productive as a person.
 My honesty upset a friendship trying to make am mends. not going to call or email this guy until we run into each other.

I may use my trust fund to travel to Louisiana around Christmas perhaps to visit family in New Orleans for a few days, I'm thinking of going on Amtrak given i enjoy flying but hate the security checkpoints. I havent visited with family for over 6 or 7 years and have an ammends or two to make there

Leigh McInnis Gaetjens PO Box 150063 San Rafael, CA 94915-0063 (415) 572-4169

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