Tuesday, July 17, 2012

Finally finished writing things down for my sponsor, so I guess its on to step 8 I go onward in AA, I still am growing up as an individual, I feel sometimes I wasted part of my sobriety away, rather than focusing more in depth on educational, employment, and other goals. But I thought I was doing the proper thing at the time for myself.

I have something good happening soon, my own apartment no sober roommates, no roommates no in the program just me, myself & I. And not much else, finally ill do something about my gas guzzling 4x4 truck and likely will still ride mass transit as it is pretty darn good in northern California.

I backed up some files recently to my server, I also start school Aug. 20th 2012, so life is good. It could be better, but some of us in recovery prosper and grow at different paces.

I continue to prosper as an individual in many ways, I am making huge progress in DA,SLAA, OA as well as my original program AA, perhaps I am addicted to 12-step programs.

But progress and getting here didn't come at a price, I hurt some and embarrassed others and brought shame to my self. But I don't dwell on the past or past transgressions.

I made peace with my inner demons, and learned the hard way to “let go”. My selfishness has not been without consequence, I lost a few acquaintances, friendships and family members. I learned to put these relations in gods hands. And hope time of rehabilitation of my life, will heal old wounds, if they ever get healed.

I missed KM & KM today the plans feel into the gutter, I feel hurt and stood up somewhat, but than again BGK used to say I did that all the time, and yes he was correct, I need to become less selfish and more dependable as an individual, at times I become lazy and unsettled.

My plans to take a trip and move out of Marin are on hold after discussing things with a close friend, I'm going to hang around while for the better until I have my affairs in order. But after I get settled in my new place, I'm planing to focusing on my 2003 ford ranger FX4 and than after its registered, insured, and smogged, and inspected I still plan a trip to Los Angles to see a old friend from LAMBDA center in Houston Texas that had 3 months when I walked through the doors again. And this guy stayed sober all these years, and we linked back up via the INTERNET.

Furthermore, I plan to visit my uncle in New Orleans via Amtrak and help him do a few things and visit and look up a old friend or two I haven't seen since I moved to California who I think is in the New Orleans metro area again from northern Louisiana where he lived post Katrina.

My 5 years of sobriety has had dark spots, and mental blackouts and just dumb idiotic choices, and bad karma, sometimes I'm not sure how to face old friends and foes in San Francisco and people I rubbed the wrong way. I suppose thats why step 8 & step 9 are separate steps. Step 8 you discuss them with your AA sponsor, and step 9 you actually go and do the ones you mutually feel are right.

I'm not sure how to make amends to MLS OR MCG or others CW & LR would be bad, and PF would be bad too. I dont think its a good idea to drag other people into my step work, perhaps buying coffee or putting a extra dollar in the basket would be the right thing to do, we discussed this at a STAG meeting I have started attending, I picked the topic.

Soon to be off probation, September 7th, 2012, life looks good.

Leigh McInnis Gaetjens PO Box 150063 San Rafael, CA 94915-0063 (415) 572-4169 lmgaetjens@gmail.com

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